sn:/Immutable Law, 3/5
Aug. 18th, 2006 04:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
eighth_horizonLocked for content: NC-17 for graphic het and incest. Clicking on the link means you understand that. See part one for full summary and disclaimer.
Immutable Law 3/5
(c)2006 b stearns
NC-17, graphic het and incest. I don't own the characters or the part of my brain this came out of.
______________
When my fumbling breaks you, should
I thank your dad for the damaged goods?
--Bloodhound Gang, I’m The Least You Could Do
-|-
As soon as Dean stopped the car, Sam thumped him on the chest to get his attention and kissed him quick and hard before sliding away and getting out. His next action was to take his shoes off one at a time and pitch them into the darkness somewhere to his right.
“What are you doing?” Dean’s voice was soft but loaded with incredulous amusement.
“Never liked ‘em,” Sam said, tiptoeing along the asphalt. “Are you looking at my ass? Shit, ow.” Rocks. The nasty little ones.
Dean looped an arm around Sam’s waist and lifted an armful of girl off the pavement, the presumptuous bastard, laughing when Sam called him a showoff.
It was Sam who closed and locked the door, causing Dean to raise his eyebrows while he shrugged out of his flannel. He offered Sam a beer out of the mini-fridge next to the vanity on the back wall, and Sam drank it like he’d been running miles in his girl-shoes. “Okay,” Sam said. “The rest of your clothes.”
“You first,” Dean said with a smirk.
“That’s your job,” Sam said. “I know the rules.”
Dean’s face softened into something Sam wasn’t used to and couldn’t identify with his beer goggles on. It wasn’t lust. It was kind of affectionate and appraising, in a way. Sam liked the look of it no matter what form he was in.
Jesus, he was drunk.
I can do this, I can do this played over and over in his head. Dean had to put his beer down on the dresser because Sam was bent on getting his shirt off. Dean finally helped with a grin.
“Lights on or off?” Dean said, tossing the shirt to one side.
“I’m not that ugly,” Sam said staring at the middle of Dean’s chest. Seen it all before, with that one scar along his sternum from a near miss with a wraith. And then a few near his ribs on the left side. And one by his hip, from -
Sam hadn’t checked to see if his own scars were still intact. That would be a dead giveaway. Dean had seen them all, stitched most of those wounds himself.
While Dean was still smirking at him, he ran for the bathroom. “Off, off they have to be off!”
He stood with his back to the closed door and sighed. Then he had to pee sitting down because, four beers. Missing his dick was really the least of his problems right then.
No scars. He wasn’t sure if that was a complete relief or not. What else had changed, or been smoothed over? What other details -
“I’m too drunk to care,” he mumbled aloud. Then he stripped all his clothes off because letting his brother undress him would be way too much, more than sex itself. He was going to go out there and get this done. That easy.
He whipped the door open and left the light on because Dean had turned the other lights off and was laying lengthwise on the bed, jeans still on, hands folded behind his head. He sat up when Sam came out buck naked. Then he grinned. “This works.”
There was that appreciative look again. Sam didn’t much care how he was getting it, just so long as he was getting it. Kind of odd to be standing around naked and getting shy over it when he’d never cared that much before. There was this fumbling, virgin hesitation to the whole thing and if he hadn’t suddenly felt so scared he’d have laughed. When Dean held a hand out to him, he simply went. It should have been scarier that crawling right into Dean’s lap and starting up right where they’d left off in the car would seem so natural.
For some reason Sam never imagined respectful when it came to how Dean handled women. Flirted, played the game, tried stupid pickup lines. Dean never had to try that hard. That mouth, for starters. From the shape of it to what came out of it, he didn’t have to work at much, from pissing someone off to charming a girl this far. It was enough to make Sam roll his eyes until he thought they might roll out of his head. He never saw any of this, this being-handled-like-glass. The gentlest hands over back and hips, catching him behind the knees and pulling him in further while letting Sam set the pace of what was arguably the neediest kiss Sam had ever been involved in.
Power held in check. That’s what it was.
Sam put his hands everywhere he dared. He had this one chance to get curious (go ahead admit it, curious, just this once) and it would be kind of dumb to waste it. Dean’s scars were just a map of everywhere they’d been as long as he didn’t think about the pain that had gone with them.
Still, it shouldn’t be so easy all the time.
Sam broke away to get some air and went for Dean’s belt. “Okay,” he said, “...you’re gonna have to do better than that.”
Dean laughed. He laughed, leaned back and propped himself up on his hands. Sam straddled him and made sure he was eyelashes tickling against his jaw and breath on his throat while he tried to find the manual dexterity to get that belt off. Dean’s breathing had quickened but he kept his hands off for a moment, apparently content to let himself be Sam-handled. Sam yanked his belt off and tossed it over one shoulder before leaning in closer to press his mouth to the spot that joined neck to shoulder, sharing the shiver it produced when Dean reciprocated with a smile Sam could feel against his skin. Slightly different skin, different body structure, same hot spots.
Well, almost.
Sam was all soft warm curves in contrast to firm, angular planes that fit together perfectly. The mix of familiarity and the new made every nerve ending behave differently. Dean’s jeans and boxers came off with the help of two pairs of hands, and then there was full-body contact when they entwined, and Sam paused in amazement.
Everything felt different, and Sam was getting the perspective of what a female arousal pattern felt like. Not a female perspective; he would never really have that, and couldn’t say he actually wanted it. He had no right.
“You okay?”
Dean, being a good guy. Sam answered by sliding up and along Dean like a cat. Yeah, that shut him up.
Then Dean was awakening every inch of skin with long, slow sweeps of his hands, something that managed to wipe Sam clean of any mental or physical awareness of self. Dean rolled them both gently until they were on their sides, facing, pressed close. Sam moved unconsciously, hips arching into Dean’s, and he had to pause again. The where and how were pretty easy; it was the unknown parameter that made him try and wrestle with it. Then Dean had Sam’s hips in his hands and nestled closer, invoking old patterns with other loves that Sam pushed away from. He had to stay in the now. And the now was about Dean and that mouth.
No way he was trying to fool himself about it and pretending they were other people. He’d be taking that to the hereafter with him, so no point lying about it to himself in the dark.
Dean had fit their hips together so that pubic bone rested against clit, grinding gently, the heavy length of his cock pressing between Sam’s legs and along damp warmth.
Things were building quickly in places Sam wasn't used to. Hands cupped and slid along breasts, Dean’s head dropping forward, mouth closing over a nipple. Sam tried not to move but couldn't help it anymore, a slow warmth spreading from the core, kindling and growing in alien ways. He could hear his own breathing, short and sharp, could feel Dean trying to counter his impatience.
So slow, so gentle, and still an inch from too much.
When Dean stopped moving, the moan of disappointment was shared. The molten, melting feeling receded a little, dropping back the other way like a thermometer suddenly brought into a cool room. It felt like loss. Sam didn't realize until then that he'd been doing nothing more than holding onto Dean’s shoulders as if trying not to drown. Then Dean was brushing the back of a hand down Sam’s abdomen, sliding lower, reaching between them, cupping him in a way that caused a physical start of surprise. Then Dean slid a gentle finger inside, holy shit, and Sam jerked against him with a gasp.
Dean made a hushing sound against his mouth, nibbling his neck, touching, thrusting slowly, testing readiness.
Sam answered with a breathless whimper, a high-pitched sound of need. Oh hell no, did that come out of him? No, he had to make up for that. The exaggerated care Dean took to press Sam onto his back and arch against him left Sam clutching at the sheets in convulsive hands, teeth gritted, eyes screwed tightly shut. Dean pressed Sam’s legs apart with a knee, waiting while Sam splayed loose beneath him.
“Okay,” Sam said breathlessly. “There’d better be more foreplay than that, you punk.”
“You’re a handful, aren’t you,” Dean said, that smile right against Sam’s skin again, and goddamn if that wasn’t just as hot as - oh, shit. He hadn’t thought of it until he felt Dean lean across him and grab something off the nightstand. Hello, at what point did Sam think unprotected sex was going to be okay? Even with Dean, because where hadn’t the guy been, first off, and then if he never got his form back and ended up...
No thinking. No thinking about trying to explain anything, no thinking about kids with webbed toes, nothing. He reached out blindly and snagged the foil packet out of Dean’s fingers before tearing it open with his teeth. That, he knew what to do with, and it was worth the price of admission to reach down and grab Dean in one solid hand and feel him jump. Sam had never put a condom on someone else before, but hey. The moves were all the same.
“You through?” Dean said.
“Does it feel like I’m done with you?” Sam said.
Bracing himself on an elbow, Dean gripped his cock with his free hand, guiding the head to just touch the opening, dipping inside only enough to get wet. Sam had only enough time to both anticipate and tense at the intrusion when Dean withdrew and used the head of his cock to circle Sam’s clit instead.
The idea was almost more than the feeling of it, and Sam’s hips arched off the bed, breath held in shock.
Dean pressed him back into the bed, willing him to relax without words. Beyond words.
Dean continued stroking in circles, and Sam felt things build, trying to hold still until he was strung taut and trembling, head thrown back against the pillows. The knot of arousal pulled almost unbearably tight, and then there was this pause.
Dean paused too as if knowing where Sam was. Sam had time to realize it was nothing like the spasm he was used to that started in his lower spine and came tearing outward; this was like a rollercoaster, the moment you hovered at the top of a steep incline, the wait just before gravity reminded you where you really belonged. He locked up under it, breath gone, frozen. Then Dean moved a fraction, barely a touch, gliding along the topmost sensitive ridge of the flesh he touched, and everything flared out from the center for one long, downslide of warmth.
Sam breathed again then with a cry, jerking in shock when the first several contractions hit. Dean was inside in one long, pressing stroke, pressing him into the bed with his weight, covering him. He timed each thrust to meet the contractions, and Sam wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips and pushed back automatically. He knew this from one side only, wet, slick heat, this rhythm. He came again almost immediately, the same long sweet pause in time followed by the involuntary, rhythmic clench of muscle, a little more intense this time, and the inside of his head knew nothing but Dean inside and the desperate need for air.
“You don’t have to keep this up just for me,” Sam said in a near-squeak. He was going to die right there if Dean didn’t stop and then die if he did and Jesus his next girlfriend was going to benefit from this somehow, all this finding out what it felt like.
“I’m kind of enjoying it too,” Dean said, barely breathless but with a tone in his voice Sam had rarely heard, vulnerable and on the edge.
“Just ‘kind of’,” Sam said, wondering where he was finding two good brain cells to rub together while Dean kept doing that with his hips, fitting just right, everything so warm and building again. “You’re gonna have to do better than - “
Dean kissed him again and he shut the hell up. Oh damn, right there, just a little harder and Jesus was he saying that aloud because Dean actually did and shit how many times was that going to happen because instead of rolling his eyes at his brother his eyes were rolling up in his head, that was good. Jesus. And then it got even better because goddamn if Dean didn’t get even harder and bigger Sam already knew that but not from his current angle. One short, hard thrust, another, and there was another moment of paused time while Dean shuddered against him and made the sweetest, softest sound in his ear.
When he knew anything again, Sam couldn’t manage to loosen his arms, cradling Dean, who was resting part of his weight on him and was still inside him. He just wasn’t willing to move. The weight was comfortable, and when Dean tried to move, Sam tightened arms and legs and held on. He had the right to do that, he deserved that bit of indulgence. He was rewarded with a contented sigh and Dean’s breath on his shoulder and gentle fingertips along what Dean could reach of Sam, never knowing it was Sam.
After several long minutes of just existing, Sam said, “That was different.”
Dean chuckled, a low snort of amusement breathed into the hollow of Sam’s collarbone. "Holy shit," he whispered.
"Again," Sam said hoarsely, and Dean laughed outright.
-|-
Waking up and finding Dean a breath away in the dark and finding comfort in that right before it all came back to him was what Sam tried to hold onto later. Running his hands through Dean’s hair and getting a sleepy hum and not getting smacked away was good, and if this was the only way affection came from his brother, he would take it for now. If it was slow, sleepy kisses and hands tracing curves he’d never have again, if it was another form that was nearly getting worshiped with hands and mouth in the pre dawn hours, it would do.
Sam decided sugar was a requirement right after they woke up the second time, and went out to the soda machine naked. Dean couldn’t stop laughing and Sam realized Dean stayed longest with the ones who made him laugh anyway; it was worth it even if no one saw him out there with a handful of quarters and dimes, staring at the machine and trying to decide whether he was in the mood for Dr. Pepper or not. He wasn’t drunk anymore and it didn’t matter. None of it was going to by morning.
Except it did.
-|-
When he awoke again there was no moment of disorientation. He was still in a female form and he knew exactly what the hell he’d been doing.
Sam sat up fast and looked at the amount of daylight that made it in. A glance at the bedside clock told him it was after nine. He was alone and naked and everything including him smelled of Dean in a good clean familiar way. When he moved, something fluttered to the floor, so he got up and snagged it. Motel stationary.
Gone to get coffee and breakfast
Hang around?
The fact that he’d been drunk for most of it wasn’t the only reason Sam hadn’t panicked. It was temporary and would be over and he’d live through and move on. Now he was panicking, though, because fuck, Dean didn’t ask people to hang around.
He actually started struggling into his own clothes first until he remembered they weren’t his again yet. He grabbed last night’s clothes from the bathroom and tried to wipe his mind of anything that had gone on, and it wasn’t working. Oh, he was never gonna live with this and be okay. No way. No shoes, where were the - oh goddamnit. Threw the shoes out in the ‘lot somewhere...no. Dean had gone back out to get them at some point because there they were, by the door.
When he opened the door, Sam was terrified Dean would be just getting back and he’d have to face him in daylight.
He couldn’t run in those damn shoes, but he tried. The car was half a mile up the road out of sight and he couldn’t get there fast enough. It felt like running away, like a walk of shame. It was too hard to think about just yet.
It was waiting for him by the car. Same androgynous shape, same washed out eyes, same outfit. If you looked fast and didn’t keep looking, it was a college kid you could pass anywhere. It was leaning against the passenger side, watching him come with a weirdly expressionless stare. Sam tried to keep all the details, how it moved, how it stood, how solid it was, because he’d have a chance to take a crack at it sooner or later. He really didn’t even care what it was anymore except that the knowledge would get him closer to taking it apart.
“Why the fuck am I still like this?” he said, stopping only a couple of feet away.
It didn’t bother to straighten, just kept gazing at him with unblinking interest like a snake. “You don’t seem happy, Samuel John.”
“I kept up my end of the deal,” Sam said. “Change me back.” He punctuated the demand by undressing as he talked, because the clothes had stayed the first time he’d been changed and it was going to be really damn uncomfortable the other way around.
“The original deal was that you do something to him,” it said, unphased. “It was about what you’d be willing to do to him, Sam. Just because I turned you female didn’t mean that was the end all, be all. The first thing you did was pick him up like any one nighter and figure that was all that was required.”
“What the hell was I supposed to think?” Sam said. “What the fuck did you change me for, then?”
“Gave you an excuse, didn’t it,” it said.
Sam kept breathing slow, trying to keep his temper down. It wasn’t working. “Excuse for what,” he said flatly.
“You’ve always just wanted something of him,” it said. “Not something of his. Something of him, to take away as your own. He never had any idea it was you. Why would you assume that it would be that easy?” It grinned at him. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”
Sam ran his hands through his hair. Attacking it wouldn’t do any good. It wouldn’t have bothered with the whole thing if it just meant to kill him. It could have turned him into anything. A tree. A tree to sit and think and watch people go by, for centuries.
“You just assumed that was all that was required of you,” it said. “You, all tortured over sleeping with your brother. You, the only one with any knowledge of what was going on. I asked you what you would be willing to do to him to save him. Not much unpleasant about what went on, now, was there.”
He shook his head. “What the fuck do you want?”
“It’s 11 o’clock, Sam,” it said. “You still have an hour. You’d better hurry. He might need a little...convincing, the way you are now.”
There was nothing different about being changed back; it didn’t hurt any less, he still didn’t scream, and he was sure not even a skinwalker or werewolf had to endure anything like it. The next he knew was gravel biting into his hands and knees, his real hands and knees. A thin thread of blood trailed between his chin and the gravel from where he’d bitten his lip on the way back. The world was loud and cold and the air stung his skin.
“You can’t,” he said as soon as he could. “You can’t just...you’ve got a reason for doing this. What do you really want?”
“It doesn’t even matter, except whether or not you’ll do it,” it said. The voice seemed to be coming from far away. “That’s the point. What are you willing to do?”
“There’s nothing to even keep you from just killing us when you’re done,” Sam said, against his better judgment. He was tipping his hand and he didn’t even care anymore. He made it to his feet and was grateful to be towering over the thing. “You know we’ll find out who and what you are and how to kill you. I’m not letting you get away with this.”
“You have to for now, though,” it said. “To be safe. Don’t you? Oh, and to answer your earlier question. Why. You really should know what you’re prepared to do, for that one. It’s not always about you and your brother catching and burning things, Sam. Sometimes, you need to be reminded what it’s like to be caught.”
Sam opened his mouth to ask it why again, and froze. Jesus, the things that were occurring to him were awful.
“You had something to get past before you could go on. And any truly good hunter knows what it’s like to be prey,” it said. “You had both forgotten. That kind of hubris needs a little tempering, sometimes.”
“What kind of hell do I get sent to for killing something like you?” Sam said softly.
It straightened slowly to face him. He felt the faint burn across his shoulders again and knew he was right.
He finally knew what he was dealing with.
Time’s almost up. Sam looked up and it was gone.
-|-
Immutable Law 3/5
(c)2006 b stearns
NC-17, graphic het and incest. I don't own the characters or the part of my brain this came out of.
______________
When my fumbling breaks you, should
I thank your dad for the damaged goods?
--Bloodhound Gang, I’m The Least You Could Do
-|-
As soon as Dean stopped the car, Sam thumped him on the chest to get his attention and kissed him quick and hard before sliding away and getting out. His next action was to take his shoes off one at a time and pitch them into the darkness somewhere to his right.
“What are you doing?” Dean’s voice was soft but loaded with incredulous amusement.
“Never liked ‘em,” Sam said, tiptoeing along the asphalt. “Are you looking at my ass? Shit, ow.” Rocks. The nasty little ones.
Dean looped an arm around Sam’s waist and lifted an armful of girl off the pavement, the presumptuous bastard, laughing when Sam called him a showoff.
It was Sam who closed and locked the door, causing Dean to raise his eyebrows while he shrugged out of his flannel. He offered Sam a beer out of the mini-fridge next to the vanity on the back wall, and Sam drank it like he’d been running miles in his girl-shoes. “Okay,” Sam said. “The rest of your clothes.”
“You first,” Dean said with a smirk.
“That’s your job,” Sam said. “I know the rules.”
Dean’s face softened into something Sam wasn’t used to and couldn’t identify with his beer goggles on. It wasn’t lust. It was kind of affectionate and appraising, in a way. Sam liked the look of it no matter what form he was in.
Jesus, he was drunk.
I can do this, I can do this played over and over in his head. Dean had to put his beer down on the dresser because Sam was bent on getting his shirt off. Dean finally helped with a grin.
“Lights on or off?” Dean said, tossing the shirt to one side.
“I’m not that ugly,” Sam said staring at the middle of Dean’s chest. Seen it all before, with that one scar along his sternum from a near miss with a wraith. And then a few near his ribs on the left side. And one by his hip, from -
Sam hadn’t checked to see if his own scars were still intact. That would be a dead giveaway. Dean had seen them all, stitched most of those wounds himself.
While Dean was still smirking at him, he ran for the bathroom. “Off, off they have to be off!”
He stood with his back to the closed door and sighed. Then he had to pee sitting down because, four beers. Missing his dick was really the least of his problems right then.
No scars. He wasn’t sure if that was a complete relief or not. What else had changed, or been smoothed over? What other details -
“I’m too drunk to care,” he mumbled aloud. Then he stripped all his clothes off because letting his brother undress him would be way too much, more than sex itself. He was going to go out there and get this done. That easy.
He whipped the door open and left the light on because Dean had turned the other lights off and was laying lengthwise on the bed, jeans still on, hands folded behind his head. He sat up when Sam came out buck naked. Then he grinned. “This works.”
There was that appreciative look again. Sam didn’t much care how he was getting it, just so long as he was getting it. Kind of odd to be standing around naked and getting shy over it when he’d never cared that much before. There was this fumbling, virgin hesitation to the whole thing and if he hadn’t suddenly felt so scared he’d have laughed. When Dean held a hand out to him, he simply went. It should have been scarier that crawling right into Dean’s lap and starting up right where they’d left off in the car would seem so natural.
For some reason Sam never imagined respectful when it came to how Dean handled women. Flirted, played the game, tried stupid pickup lines. Dean never had to try that hard. That mouth, for starters. From the shape of it to what came out of it, he didn’t have to work at much, from pissing someone off to charming a girl this far. It was enough to make Sam roll his eyes until he thought they might roll out of his head. He never saw any of this, this being-handled-like-glass. The gentlest hands over back and hips, catching him behind the knees and pulling him in further while letting Sam set the pace of what was arguably the neediest kiss Sam had ever been involved in.
Power held in check. That’s what it was.
Sam put his hands everywhere he dared. He had this one chance to get curious (go ahead admit it, curious, just this once) and it would be kind of dumb to waste it. Dean’s scars were just a map of everywhere they’d been as long as he didn’t think about the pain that had gone with them.
Still, it shouldn’t be so easy all the time.
Sam broke away to get some air and went for Dean’s belt. “Okay,” he said, “...you’re gonna have to do better than that.”
Dean laughed. He laughed, leaned back and propped himself up on his hands. Sam straddled him and made sure he was eyelashes tickling against his jaw and breath on his throat while he tried to find the manual dexterity to get that belt off. Dean’s breathing had quickened but he kept his hands off for a moment, apparently content to let himself be Sam-handled. Sam yanked his belt off and tossed it over one shoulder before leaning in closer to press his mouth to the spot that joined neck to shoulder, sharing the shiver it produced when Dean reciprocated with a smile Sam could feel against his skin. Slightly different skin, different body structure, same hot spots.
Well, almost.
Sam was all soft warm curves in contrast to firm, angular planes that fit together perfectly. The mix of familiarity and the new made every nerve ending behave differently. Dean’s jeans and boxers came off with the help of two pairs of hands, and then there was full-body contact when they entwined, and Sam paused in amazement.
Everything felt different, and Sam was getting the perspective of what a female arousal pattern felt like. Not a female perspective; he would never really have that, and couldn’t say he actually wanted it. He had no right.
“You okay?”
Dean, being a good guy. Sam answered by sliding up and along Dean like a cat. Yeah, that shut him up.
Then Dean was awakening every inch of skin with long, slow sweeps of his hands, something that managed to wipe Sam clean of any mental or physical awareness of self. Dean rolled them both gently until they were on their sides, facing, pressed close. Sam moved unconsciously, hips arching into Dean’s, and he had to pause again. The where and how were pretty easy; it was the unknown parameter that made him try and wrestle with it. Then Dean had Sam’s hips in his hands and nestled closer, invoking old patterns with other loves that Sam pushed away from. He had to stay in the now. And the now was about Dean and that mouth.
No way he was trying to fool himself about it and pretending they were other people. He’d be taking that to the hereafter with him, so no point lying about it to himself in the dark.
Dean had fit their hips together so that pubic bone rested against clit, grinding gently, the heavy length of his cock pressing between Sam’s legs and along damp warmth.
Things were building quickly in places Sam wasn't used to. Hands cupped and slid along breasts, Dean’s head dropping forward, mouth closing over a nipple. Sam tried not to move but couldn't help it anymore, a slow warmth spreading from the core, kindling and growing in alien ways. He could hear his own breathing, short and sharp, could feel Dean trying to counter his impatience.
So slow, so gentle, and still an inch from too much.
When Dean stopped moving, the moan of disappointment was shared. The molten, melting feeling receded a little, dropping back the other way like a thermometer suddenly brought into a cool room. It felt like loss. Sam didn't realize until then that he'd been doing nothing more than holding onto Dean’s shoulders as if trying not to drown. Then Dean was brushing the back of a hand down Sam’s abdomen, sliding lower, reaching between them, cupping him in a way that caused a physical start of surprise. Then Dean slid a gentle finger inside, holy shit, and Sam jerked against him with a gasp.
Dean made a hushing sound against his mouth, nibbling his neck, touching, thrusting slowly, testing readiness.
Sam answered with a breathless whimper, a high-pitched sound of need. Oh hell no, did that come out of him? No, he had to make up for that. The exaggerated care Dean took to press Sam onto his back and arch against him left Sam clutching at the sheets in convulsive hands, teeth gritted, eyes screwed tightly shut. Dean pressed Sam’s legs apart with a knee, waiting while Sam splayed loose beneath him.
“Okay,” Sam said breathlessly. “There’d better be more foreplay than that, you punk.”
“You’re a handful, aren’t you,” Dean said, that smile right against Sam’s skin again, and goddamn if that wasn’t just as hot as - oh, shit. He hadn’t thought of it until he felt Dean lean across him and grab something off the nightstand. Hello, at what point did Sam think unprotected sex was going to be okay? Even with Dean, because where hadn’t the guy been, first off, and then if he never got his form back and ended up...
No thinking. No thinking about trying to explain anything, no thinking about kids with webbed toes, nothing. He reached out blindly and snagged the foil packet out of Dean’s fingers before tearing it open with his teeth. That, he knew what to do with, and it was worth the price of admission to reach down and grab Dean in one solid hand and feel him jump. Sam had never put a condom on someone else before, but hey. The moves were all the same.
“You through?” Dean said.
“Does it feel like I’m done with you?” Sam said.
Bracing himself on an elbow, Dean gripped his cock with his free hand, guiding the head to just touch the opening, dipping inside only enough to get wet. Sam had only enough time to both anticipate and tense at the intrusion when Dean withdrew and used the head of his cock to circle Sam’s clit instead.
The idea was almost more than the feeling of it, and Sam’s hips arched off the bed, breath held in shock.
Dean pressed him back into the bed, willing him to relax without words. Beyond words.
Dean continued stroking in circles, and Sam felt things build, trying to hold still until he was strung taut and trembling, head thrown back against the pillows. The knot of arousal pulled almost unbearably tight, and then there was this pause.
Dean paused too as if knowing where Sam was. Sam had time to realize it was nothing like the spasm he was used to that started in his lower spine and came tearing outward; this was like a rollercoaster, the moment you hovered at the top of a steep incline, the wait just before gravity reminded you where you really belonged. He locked up under it, breath gone, frozen. Then Dean moved a fraction, barely a touch, gliding along the topmost sensitive ridge of the flesh he touched, and everything flared out from the center for one long, downslide of warmth.
Sam breathed again then with a cry, jerking in shock when the first several contractions hit. Dean was inside in one long, pressing stroke, pressing him into the bed with his weight, covering him. He timed each thrust to meet the contractions, and Sam wrapped his legs around Dean’s hips and pushed back automatically. He knew this from one side only, wet, slick heat, this rhythm. He came again almost immediately, the same long sweet pause in time followed by the involuntary, rhythmic clench of muscle, a little more intense this time, and the inside of his head knew nothing but Dean inside and the desperate need for air.
“You don’t have to keep this up just for me,” Sam said in a near-squeak. He was going to die right there if Dean didn’t stop and then die if he did and Jesus his next girlfriend was going to benefit from this somehow, all this finding out what it felt like.
“I’m kind of enjoying it too,” Dean said, barely breathless but with a tone in his voice Sam had rarely heard, vulnerable and on the edge.
“Just ‘kind of’,” Sam said, wondering where he was finding two good brain cells to rub together while Dean kept doing that with his hips, fitting just right, everything so warm and building again. “You’re gonna have to do better than - “
Dean kissed him again and he shut the hell up. Oh damn, right there, just a little harder and Jesus was he saying that aloud because Dean actually did and shit how many times was that going to happen because instead of rolling his eyes at his brother his eyes were rolling up in his head, that was good. Jesus. And then it got even better because goddamn if Dean didn’t get even harder and bigger Sam already knew that but not from his current angle. One short, hard thrust, another, and there was another moment of paused time while Dean shuddered against him and made the sweetest, softest sound in his ear.
When he knew anything again, Sam couldn’t manage to loosen his arms, cradling Dean, who was resting part of his weight on him and was still inside him. He just wasn’t willing to move. The weight was comfortable, and when Dean tried to move, Sam tightened arms and legs and held on. He had the right to do that, he deserved that bit of indulgence. He was rewarded with a contented sigh and Dean’s breath on his shoulder and gentle fingertips along what Dean could reach of Sam, never knowing it was Sam.
After several long minutes of just existing, Sam said, “That was different.”
Dean chuckled, a low snort of amusement breathed into the hollow of Sam’s collarbone. "Holy shit," he whispered.
"Again," Sam said hoarsely, and Dean laughed outright.
-|-
Waking up and finding Dean a breath away in the dark and finding comfort in that right before it all came back to him was what Sam tried to hold onto later. Running his hands through Dean’s hair and getting a sleepy hum and not getting smacked away was good, and if this was the only way affection came from his brother, he would take it for now. If it was slow, sleepy kisses and hands tracing curves he’d never have again, if it was another form that was nearly getting worshiped with hands and mouth in the pre dawn hours, it would do.
Sam decided sugar was a requirement right after they woke up the second time, and went out to the soda machine naked. Dean couldn’t stop laughing and Sam realized Dean stayed longest with the ones who made him laugh anyway; it was worth it even if no one saw him out there with a handful of quarters and dimes, staring at the machine and trying to decide whether he was in the mood for Dr. Pepper or not. He wasn’t drunk anymore and it didn’t matter. None of it was going to by morning.
Except it did.
-|-
When he awoke again there was no moment of disorientation. He was still in a female form and he knew exactly what the hell he’d been doing.
Sam sat up fast and looked at the amount of daylight that made it in. A glance at the bedside clock told him it was after nine. He was alone and naked and everything including him smelled of Dean in a good clean familiar way. When he moved, something fluttered to the floor, so he got up and snagged it. Motel stationary.
Gone to get coffee and breakfast
Hang around?
The fact that he’d been drunk for most of it wasn’t the only reason Sam hadn’t panicked. It was temporary and would be over and he’d live through and move on. Now he was panicking, though, because fuck, Dean didn’t ask people to hang around.
He actually started struggling into his own clothes first until he remembered they weren’t his again yet. He grabbed last night’s clothes from the bathroom and tried to wipe his mind of anything that had gone on, and it wasn’t working. Oh, he was never gonna live with this and be okay. No way. No shoes, where were the - oh goddamnit. Threw the shoes out in the ‘lot somewhere...no. Dean had gone back out to get them at some point because there they were, by the door.
When he opened the door, Sam was terrified Dean would be just getting back and he’d have to face him in daylight.
He couldn’t run in those damn shoes, but he tried. The car was half a mile up the road out of sight and he couldn’t get there fast enough. It felt like running away, like a walk of shame. It was too hard to think about just yet.
It was waiting for him by the car. Same androgynous shape, same washed out eyes, same outfit. If you looked fast and didn’t keep looking, it was a college kid you could pass anywhere. It was leaning against the passenger side, watching him come with a weirdly expressionless stare. Sam tried to keep all the details, how it moved, how it stood, how solid it was, because he’d have a chance to take a crack at it sooner or later. He really didn’t even care what it was anymore except that the knowledge would get him closer to taking it apart.
“Why the fuck am I still like this?” he said, stopping only a couple of feet away.
It didn’t bother to straighten, just kept gazing at him with unblinking interest like a snake. “You don’t seem happy, Samuel John.”
“I kept up my end of the deal,” Sam said. “Change me back.” He punctuated the demand by undressing as he talked, because the clothes had stayed the first time he’d been changed and it was going to be really damn uncomfortable the other way around.
“The original deal was that you do something to him,” it said, unphased. “It was about what you’d be willing to do to him, Sam. Just because I turned you female didn’t mean that was the end all, be all. The first thing you did was pick him up like any one nighter and figure that was all that was required.”
“What the hell was I supposed to think?” Sam said. “What the fuck did you change me for, then?”
“Gave you an excuse, didn’t it,” it said.
Sam kept breathing slow, trying to keep his temper down. It wasn’t working. “Excuse for what,” he said flatly.
“You’ve always just wanted something of him,” it said. “Not something of his. Something of him, to take away as your own. He never had any idea it was you. Why would you assume that it would be that easy?” It grinned at him. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”
Sam ran his hands through his hair. Attacking it wouldn’t do any good. It wouldn’t have bothered with the whole thing if it just meant to kill him. It could have turned him into anything. A tree. A tree to sit and think and watch people go by, for centuries.
“You just assumed that was all that was required of you,” it said. “You, all tortured over sleeping with your brother. You, the only one with any knowledge of what was going on. I asked you what you would be willing to do to him to save him. Not much unpleasant about what went on, now, was there.”
He shook his head. “What the fuck do you want?”
“It’s 11 o’clock, Sam,” it said. “You still have an hour. You’d better hurry. He might need a little...convincing, the way you are now.”
There was nothing different about being changed back; it didn’t hurt any less, he still didn’t scream, and he was sure not even a skinwalker or werewolf had to endure anything like it. The next he knew was gravel biting into his hands and knees, his real hands and knees. A thin thread of blood trailed between his chin and the gravel from where he’d bitten his lip on the way back. The world was loud and cold and the air stung his skin.
“You can’t,” he said as soon as he could. “You can’t just...you’ve got a reason for doing this. What do you really want?”
“It doesn’t even matter, except whether or not you’ll do it,” it said. The voice seemed to be coming from far away. “That’s the point. What are you willing to do?”
“There’s nothing to even keep you from just killing us when you’re done,” Sam said, against his better judgment. He was tipping his hand and he didn’t even care anymore. He made it to his feet and was grateful to be towering over the thing. “You know we’ll find out who and what you are and how to kill you. I’m not letting you get away with this.”
“You have to for now, though,” it said. “To be safe. Don’t you? Oh, and to answer your earlier question. Why. You really should know what you’re prepared to do, for that one. It’s not always about you and your brother catching and burning things, Sam. Sometimes, you need to be reminded what it’s like to be caught.”
Sam opened his mouth to ask it why again, and froze. Jesus, the things that were occurring to him were awful.
“You had something to get past before you could go on. And any truly good hunter knows what it’s like to be prey,” it said. “You had both forgotten. That kind of hubris needs a little tempering, sometimes.”
“What kind of hell do I get sent to for killing something like you?” Sam said softly.
It straightened slowly to face him. He felt the faint burn across his shoulders again and knew he was right.
He finally knew what he was dealing with.
Time’s almost up. Sam looked up and it was gone.
-|-
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 12:49 am (UTC)The description of making love in this was just perfect. It felt like making love, and not sex, Sam realising what sort of man his brother is, and how he can make a girl feel and *flaily hands again* Honestly. Fantastic.
The consequences you talked about. Oh yes, this is going to be good.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 12:54 am (UTC)Damn, man. That's just.....just.....
Lovely and so freakin' *hurty* and funny and *sexy* and i really do *not* read het for pleasure and...and...
Yeah.
Loved it *all*.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 12:57 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 01:00 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 01:01 am (UTC)*flail*
I. You. I...
*flail*
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 01:25 am (UTC)::stares at barb wiht mouth open:::
that would be me with my open not me staring at you becasue your mouth is open...::facepalm::
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 01:01 am (UTC)I need a minute before I can come up with something actually coherant about this chapter.
That was...that was just hot and dirty and I so love Sam's little inner confessions about what he wants from Dean--again with the guh. And, man, what the hell is that thing?
In conclusion: love. ♥
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 01:54 am (UTC)I cannot even. And the. With the. And the end, with.
And.
Um.
Yeah, I'll be over here, staring.
(OMG.)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:24 am (UTC)::has it framed::
Thanks. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 02:02 am (UTC)also, hot. melty hot.
*melts*
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 02:49 am (UTC)Jeezus, my stomach is all sorts of tied up in knots and I just KNOW that Dean's going to freak and the REASONING behind the creature changing Sam in the first place... *mind boggles*
Shit. Can't wait for tomorrow. Hopefully I won't have a heart attack.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 02:50 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 02:51 am (UTC)More more more!
Pretty please.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 02:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 05:14 am (UTC)First, the making love scene? I need to find a man like Dean, like now, you know? That was fantastic! No other word to describe it.
And of course Dean would fall in love with Sam-as-a-girl. The mix of girl intuition and man's knowledge, it was hard to resist.
And this creature, I know what it is, it is right here, in the tip of my tongue, I can almost point... this is one of these times when you know that you know, but you can't have the whole picture?
More gummy bears for you! You deserve them!
And when I read your note that this was friend locked, I was all silly because 'haha she is in my friends list for a good time now'.
I'm silly.
And I'm loving this.
So you know.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:27 am (UTC)If you find him, you can do whatever you want with him, but then I get a shot. PINKY SWEAR ON IT.
(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 05:17 am (UTC)It's so.. So very different from everyone else. I love the completely different perspective you have, of everything; it makes everything you write so surprising, and real. And you just plain have the skills, man. Skills. I'm envious.
Other women who write women.. there's always this uncomfortable distance, and guilt, associated with them. As if we're looking at Women from the outside, and femininity is something we're not allowed to own, something to hate, and to be ashamed of. Not you. It's like.. I don't know. Very real. Even though Sam is essentially not a woman, I think this "female character" is the only one I've read in Spn fandom that I can really identify with. I don't know if that makes any sense.
Your Dean.. I'm just amazed at how vivid and real you've made him. It's like, I'm there, it's like.. I'm on a Date with Dean. :) You know? That nervousness, the immediateness, and awkwardness, and the way Sam sees him, it's so BIG. I've never read a Dean who was so big, before, I mean.. all joking aside. He's like.. so essentially male, and Sam seeing him like that, wanting all of that from his brother -- like I've told you before, they fundamentally belong to each other, they have this base-level connection to and love for each other that no other writer in the fandom can even touch, as far as I've seen. And, again, it's not the sex that makes this so transgressive. It's that Sam wants Dean, so deep, so deep inside him. Jokes aside. I don't have any better way of saying that.
And the intimate glimpses of Dean; his vulnerabilities that Sam may never have gotten to see. Dean coming -- jesus, that's the hottest thing ever. And then. The note, that truly broke my heart. Oh god. If I weren't already totally in love with him, I mean. *flail*
And the ending.. wow. Wowwy wow wow, as the Continental would say. I hope you know you've always been one of my favorite writers, Barb, from the first minute I discovered your stuff. I don't always leave feedback, I know, but.. I'm kind of rambling without saying much, I know. And maybe it doesn't mean much more than a little blip on your Good meter for the day, but if it just puts you that tiny little bit over, then I've redeemed my lame feedback.
I can't wait to read the next part. Squealing and clap hands kind of can't wait. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 05:21 am (UTC)(no subject)
From:(no subject)
From:no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 05:35 am (UTC):(
My breathing's even WORSE, and I'm afraid I'm going to be too distracted to be useful in any capacity until I am able to read the next chapter. How is it possible that I'm not getting any respite?!
Probably because this is a damn fine fic that just demands total attention.
Well done! And thanks so much for sharing.
Now....
gimme more!
(Greedy, greedy, ain't I? Sorry for being so rude and demanding! But dang it, if your writing just wasn't so rich in quality I wouldn't have gotten so punchy from staying up this late hoping to catch chapter 3!)
Seriously, I love this fic, and I can't wait for the next chapter. Thanks again for sharing.
:)
Em
P.S. I promise to be on better behavior next time. Maybe.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:28 am (UTC)Thanks for reading and commenting. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 07:35 am (UTC)And the scene at the end. Oh my goodness. I am on tenter-hooks. This series is absolutely magnificent. Thank you so much for sharing the fruit of your bounty. :)
(Is there no Memory function on this lay-out? Am I simply not seeing it? I truly think that this is something which deserves to be read again and again.)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:32 am (UTC)Y'know, I may have to tinker with this thing a bit...I don't see the memory thing either. ::pokes LJ::
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 08:32 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:34 am (UTC)Okay, Christ in an alfredo sauce, maybe...?
Blaming you for this, forever.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 03:15 pm (UTC)Cannot wait to read the rest. Lovely, lovely story.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 05:43 pm (UTC)You know, I feel feedback burbling up in the back of my brain, but mostly it consists of little *flails* and *meeps*. *g* This is realy wonderful.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 06:10 pm (UTC)Secondly, daaaamn. If sex with a guy was like that, I might have gone to my prom. *grin* I love Dean. I love that under the bluster and flirting, he's good to the woman, treats her right. It just...fits with how I think of him, one of those rare good guys.
I have a bad feeling about the next part, though. And the thing is still creeping me out, especially if I'm reading it right, and it's on the side of the angels, so to speak.
That doesn't mean I'm not hoping you post soon, though!
no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:35 am (UTC)Oh, I so want to think of him that way, too.
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 06:51 pm (UTC)#3
Date: 2006-08-19 09:47 pm (UTC)Anyway, amazing!
Re: #3
Date: 2006-08-25 02:38 am (UTC)Don't tell anybody but I like to spend lots of time describing Dean. Mmm. LOL
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 11:21 pm (UTC)Second: Wow, that was great! Nice and hot. And hotly nice.
And some seriously sinister foreshadowing? furthershadowing? at the end. WHAT does Sam know about who he's dealing with? I'm not so much yelling this at you as, rhetorically, next to you.
Huge props for another great series, and thanks so much for sharing it with us.
DC
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 11:41 pm (UTC)That was just gorgeous.
I just know this is going to be one of those stories where I read it over and over and every time I love it more and understand it more. So yay!
That part at the end? Where the creepy thing says they need to remember what it's like to be prey? It's almost like this is happening for their own good. Which makes brings the entire story to a whole new level.
And I believe I know what the creepy thing is, and you do realize that some day you are going have to write the story about how all that came about...right? :o)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-25 02:40 am (UTC)Did it turn out to be what you thought??
Yeah, I have to write the very-first part, one of these days. ::adds to list::
no subject
Date: 2006-08-19 11:57 pm (UTC)I loved this Dean, too. I'd love to see his POV of all this. I'm sure he surprised himself with his reactions to this girl he's never even ment before. I bet every survival instint he has (and Dean has many) was screaming at him he knew her from some other place and I wonder what his reaction is going to be when he finds out the truth.
Thanks for friending me back and allowing me to enjoy this :)
no subject
Date: 2006-08-23 04:31 am (UTC)omg, that's hilariously awesome. Thanks! XD