J:/fanfic100#15

[eighth_horizon]

Fandom: Journey, Wielding universe
Characters: Neal, Jon, Object!Steve
Prompt: #81, 'how'
Rating: PG
Summary: "He did it again, Jon. He got in, and then he left."
Author's Notes:I've been holding out. Yet again I''m not sure what's chapter-parts and what's outtakes. Anyone waiting for Echoes 14 (15, 26?) deserves at least this much.

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"How the hell did you know, anyway?" Neal said, trying to keep it from becoming what the fuck do you know anyway?

Jon heard both versions and stepped on a smile. "You're goddamn oblivious, sometimes," Jon said. "I mean, come on, Neal. I was the new guy. I noticed while I was still with the Babys, for Christ's sake. You were just into what you were doing or what was happening around you. You've never been a subtle guy, and the natural result of that is not noticing anything that isn't shoved in your face."

Neal shrugged in such a way that indicated he was brushing the summary off. "So."

"So. You would turn away and he would stare at you in ways I'd never even seen my parents stare at each other. He was flirting with you all the time, and trying to get your attention, and it all went right over your head. The only reason I noticed anything was because I happened to catch him by accident a couple of times. Once, I could pass off. Twice, no. I was a dumb kid but not that dumb. I was always paying attention to all of you when I first joined up, but especially you. I worshipped you, Neal." He paused to sigh and lean back in his chair. "It was never obvious. Gregg knew, Ross knew, I knew. We were in close quarters for years, man. Steve had no idea that anyone but Ross knew, and that's because Ross couldn't shut up. Steve was mortified that he couldn't just shut it off or ignore you. Raised as a nice Catholic boy and unable to even come close to being one."

"And always looking for an excuse," Neal said.

"You can't be pissed at him for how this turned out," Jon said.

"Don't tell me I can be pissed or not," Neal snapped. "It's fine for you to defend him now that he's gone, now that you don't have to be pissed about me and him anymore."

"It's fine for you to only want what you can't have," Jon said calmly.

Neal stared at him for a long moment. Then he stood. "Fuck you, Jon."

"If it makes you feel better, say anything you want," Jon said. "Whether you like it or not, you know I'm right. He only did what he was doomed to do from the moment he first laid eyes on you: love you until it killed him."

Neal kept staring at him. "That was fucking lame," he said, the anger gone.

"You don't like my Hallmark moment?" Jon said.

"Keep your day job," Neal said. "I don't only want what I can't have. This was one thing I wasn't fuckin' around with. It's not okay that it turned out like this."

"I don't think it is, either," Jon said. "I was hardest on him because I loved him the most, Neal. No, shut the fuck up and let me finish. I was a lot closer to him than you were, personally and professionally, for a long time. I was the one who missed him most when he'd shut us out and vanish. I'm the one who understood better than anyone what a destructive force the two of you were together and what a clusterfuck it could be when you were together in one space for too long. So screw me for being protective of you and freaking out when it became obvious that the clusterfuck was inevitable."

"I've never heard you swear so much in just one conversation while you were sober," Neal said.

"You're an asshole," Jon said softly.

"I'm never going to get over this," Neal said. "He did it again, Jon. He got in, and then he left."

Jon nodded. "He was really, really good at that. But you have to remember that despite all the bullshit, he was only safe when he was with you. And no way could he stand to be safe. Ever. After everything, he just did whatever he could to get to you. It doesn't matter if he was programmed to do it or built for just that purpose or whatever other bullshit the Formless try to feed you. In the end, he chose to save you. He would have chosen you over Existence, and not because he was built to."

Neal was very still and kept his eyes down. It was hard to tell if he was even breathing.

"I get it," Neal said.

Comments

[zenfrodo.livejournal.com]

Oh freakin' CHRIST, will you hurry up and FINISH IT ALREADY?

I'm assuming from this that Steve "dies" or becomes the object-er-rai again and ain't coming back. BUT...we've had this before in your tales, too. I'm waiting for the punchline. I'm WAITING.

(and how the heck did you get up to prompt 81 already?)

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm zipping around rather than going in order, being all crack-babyish.

I so need to finish this goddamn tale.