sn:/if belief

[eighth_horizon]

If Belief Was Enough 4/8
(c)2006 b stearns
_____________

-|-

Sam was rudely awakened. Not for the first time, obviously, but nightmares were usually the culprit. This time something descended on him physically, crashing into his bed in the real world and squishing his ribcage. 170 pounds of older brother was holding him down.

"Good morning, sunshine," Dean said.

Sam squinted against the early morning light long enough to see it was 7am by the bedside clock. He screwed his face up and closed his eyes again. "Okay. You've gotta be kidding me."

"It's another wicked fabulous day in this swiss-cheese state, and we're on top of this entire thing," Dean said. "This is as good as solved."

"You're actually on top of me," Sam said without opening his eyes. "Doing that five-year-old on Saturday morning thing."

"Paybacks are a bitch," Dean said. "I can remember plenty of mornings when Sam the Bugbear wanted someone to watch cartoons with."

"I'll do anything you want if you never, never call me Bugbear again," Sam said.

"Then never leave me," Dean said.

Sam's eyes snapped open and he twisted to look at Dean. As he thought, Dean had no idea that he'd said it aloud.

"Anything?" Dean said with a smirk.

Sam's brain was scrambled with the unintentional honesty, so he shook his head a little. "Um...within reason."

"Welcher," Dean said and slapped him in the side of the head. "Get up."

"Go get me some coffee, then," Sam said, knowing he was asking for it. "Get your bitch ass back in the kitchen and make me some pie."

"Oh, dumbass," Dean growled, and jammed his fingers into Sam's ribs. Predictably, they ended up on the floor but managed not to hit the nightstand or break anything for once. Sam won by putting a knee in Dean's back, shoving his face into the motel carpet, and describing what he believed to be in the carpet.

"Don't you fuckin' quote South Park at me," Dean said, voice strained with trying to keep his face clear of the floor. "...without doing the voices too."

"Mmmkay," Sam said.

Dean laughed, like Sam hadn't heard him do in years. Laughed. Not the 'you're all idiots' laugh he'd developed over the years, not the polite social reaction when he wanted to get on someone's good side. Just full-throated laughter, for its own sake.

Goddamn, how often did they just play? The things that had become commonplace for them would have sent most screaming. There was nowhere to run, so they ran toward whatever the rest of the world couldn't hide from. Immersion in the horrors that ran just beneath the average radar probably earned them a jaded attitude, but there still had to be this, just moments of loving the little blessings that came along when they weren't looking. Things that reminded them what the war they waged was for.

Sam stood and jumped out of range before Dean could grab an ankle. "Get up," he echoed. "Daylight's burning."

Dean sat up and brushed himself off. "Dude, I could actually catch something off this floor."

"A little extra protein in your diet never hurt," Sam said.

-|-

After a bit of coffee and a go at pancakes at the family restaurant down the block, they made a beeline for the body shop Dean had his heart set on. They set out on foot, a couple of guys with casual strides and the still-rising sun striking auburn highlights out of their hair, scuffing ancient desert-dust under their feet and reflecting the sky in their eyes. They were only hard to notice when they wanted to be, and that day Dean wanted to be invisible. Sometime during the night he'd given up on blending in, but that was the only thing he'd given up on.

Sam was slouching a little, but even his shadow took the work out of the courage for Dean.

It was small for a body shop, long and low, but seemed to be the place to go in that area; the double auto bay was occupied. The spaces out front were taken with a wide variety of makes and models. It was going to be warm, even for mid May, and the sun reflected off everything, digging facets out of the plainest surface. Sitting between a shoe store and a farm supply outlet, the older brick structure looked crouched and weary.

There was an older man in gray coveralls wiping his hands on an oil-stained rag just outside the open door of the payment office, watching them approach as if he'd been waiting. It didn't cause Sam any trepidation; he got the impression that the guy spent a lot of time out there taking stock of things. They walked straight up to him, and Dean wished him a good morning and offered a hand.

The man nodded at him. "Military?" he said.

"Military family," Dean said, not elaborating and not surprised that something in his bearing carried his father's lessons forward.

"Lewis Craker," the man said, offering a hand to Sam. "You boys walking in from a breakdown?"

"No sir," Dean said. "Passing through looking for some history, heard you'd been here the longest." They had agreed ahead of time there was no point working up a front story this time. But Dean was free to riff on the details if he wanted to.

Craker looked at them for a moment, still taking stock. Then he gestured toward the bays. "Most of 'em break down on the 90," he said. "Always on their way over the passes, skiing, whatever. Concert season just started, I get all these kids over here with their Hondas telling me how great Ozzfest is. That's fine, but I won't let 'em pick their cars up if they've been drinking."

"Good move," Sam said. "See a lot of people come through?"

Craker tilted his head back to look appraisingly at Sam. "And a few who don't," he said.

Sam did everything he could not to turn his head and look at Dean. He nodded instead and said, "It's the ones who don't that stick in your mind."

Craker nodded. "I figured you guys were up to something. You missing somebody?"

"Our parents for starters," Dean mumbled as if to himself, but far too audible. "Sam misses Jessica, you know, because I really wasn't fast enough, and pretty much anybody we love dies or vanishes. One of these days I'm gonna fuck up and be missing Sam, too."

Sam felt his own face go slack with shock, and he nearly stiff-armed Dean in an attempt to shut him up. Before Dean could turn on him and start yelling, he dragged him to one side. Dean jerked his arm out of Sam's grip, brow furrowed in annoyance and affront. When he opened his mouth, Sam said, "You're doing it again."

"What?"

"Look, I can tell you're freaking him out," Sam said, unsure why he just couldn't break it to Dean that he kept thinking aloud. Part of him wanted to, because every time it happened it was harder to hear, but if he had to be honest he just wasn't ready to stop listening. He'd deal with the twinge of guilt over it later. "Let me do the interviewing for a minute, soften the guy up, and then I'm sure we'll have all kinds of details to mess with. Okay?"

Dean was still looking at Sam like he wanted to kill him, and it was a revelation. Sam could not figure out how someone's thoughts could so completely negate their behavior, or how the hell Dean didn't hear himself. "It's just...think of how that guy looked at you last night," Sam said. "Maybe I'm just being paranoid."

Dean dropped his shoulders with a sigh. "You worry way too much, Sam. I'm pretty sure I can take this guy if he decides to smack me around. You're acting really fuckin' weird, and if anybody's freaking him out, it's you."

Sam shrugged. "Just give me a minute to make sure nobody's gonna have a problem with you." That much was the truth.

Dean shook his head and tossed a wave at Craker, who was watching them with a bemused interest. "I'll check out the keychains," he said. "They got a shitload of keychains in there."

Sam walked back to Craker, smiling.

"He touched in the head?"

"Yeah," Sam said, trying not to let the smile become an ironic grin. "Just a little. Totally harmless, though."

"Brothers?"

"Yeah," Sam said again. "We don't want to waste your time or anything, we're just curious about an urban legend. Figured since we're already out this way, it wouldn't hurt to check it out."

"We've got a few," Craker said. "If you're lookin' for Bigfoot, you're a little far northeast."

"No," Sam said, and this time he did grin. "There's, uh...well, I feel kind of dumb asking. Some of my college friends were talking about how there's supposed to be a hole with no bottom."

"Ah," Craker said with a laugh. "Mel's Hole. There was a group over here about five years ago looking for it, never heard if they found it or not. Guess not." Something passed over his eyes that Sam only saw because he was watching for it. Craker had already made remarks that told Sam he knew a few things, but why he was making remarks to them didn't matter except that it might mean he was really hoping to tell someone what he'd seen. People were the same in that regard - just wanting someone to listen.

Sam blinked at him and waited. People also liked to fill silence, and Sam had learned that his height did not stop people from wanting to confess or ramble or hypothesize to him. Puppy dog eyes, Dean's voice heckled in his memory. I bet you could make the Pope admit he wears Spongebob boxers.

"Strange, all that," Craker said.

"Anybody go missing, from that group?" Sam said. "It sounds like some people come through and don't make it past this point. That's part of the story I heard, anyway."

Craker shrugged. "Just like anywhere else in the world," he said. "But that thing with the Northrup boys a few months ago, they were local. That whole thing was odd."

Sam cocked his head a little and drew his brows together, the picture of concerned patience.

"Nothing but talk," Craker said, gazing off toward where two of his employees were talking to a customer. "Knew those boys, though."

"That's gotta count for something," Sam said.

"Hmm," Craker said. "Jack and Terry Northrup went hunting and Jack didn't come back. Papers said maybe he'd gone off somewhere, but I don't think he left his family like that. Terry said he was taken, and he was never what I'd call flighty. Knew him all his life, knew his dad from way back. No troubles with that family. There was the one bit with the port-o-potty on the church roof, but that's kid stuff and anybody could have been involved there. What I mean to say is he wasn't the type to panic or go running. Strange that things turned out the way they did. Could put a lot of it down to the way his brother disappeared."

Sam felt a dull thud of dread somewhere in his solar plexus. Dean came up behind him, dangling an 8-ball keychain from one finger. They shared a glance.

"Did he ever tell you what happened?" Dean said softly.

"That's just it," Craker said. "Told everybody he could, and it was the same over and over. He never changed his story. Seems to me with everywhere I've been, people change the details as their memory fades, or when they're crazy or not sure about things. He was very particular about what happened."

"Where is he now?" Sam said, dreading the answer.

"Oh, he left town weeks ago," Craker said, wiping his hands on the rag again as if trying to discard some memory. "Couldn't take it anymore. He looked and looked out there for his brother, by himself and with friends and family. He pinpointed the spot. More than once. Hell, I was out there too. There was the remains of their campfire, and he swore right up and down where that hole was when his brother went in."

"That's what he said happened?" Dean said. "His brother fell in...or was pulled in?"

"That's the thing," Craker said, lowering his voice. The nearby traffic seemed to fade further into the distance. "He said it wasn't there in the daylight, and it should have been close enough and big enough to see. No way they could have missed it, he said. Maybe the size of one 'o them kiddie pools, I guess. They were sitting by the fire, getting ready to turn in, maybe there was a beer or two but like I said earlier, no trouble with those boys. Terry said he heard voices come out of that thing - right outta the depth of it somewhere, like from a long way away. He said Jack tore out into the dark calling his wife's name, said he was yelling that she was in there. He went right on in before Terry could do anything. He tried to get closer, threw a rope down after him, then had to give up. Said his cell phone quit, and when he couldn't take the noises anymore he ran out on foot. Car wouldn't start either."

Taking advantage of the pause for breath, Sam said, "What did Terry hear?"

Craker shook his head, eyes crinkling. "Boy said he could hear screaming, wailing, like people do when they've gone crazy. Like the tortured souls of hell," he said. "Like that hole opened straight down to the hell we were all raised to believe in."

Raised to believe in, Sam thought. Like we get what we think should be there.

Dean nodded a little and said, "But what do you think happened?"

Craker pursed his mouth a little. "I'm a God-fearing man," he said. "I don't know what happened to them, or anyone else, and I can't say as I know there's a hole at all. If it was hell that came for those boys, it wasn't the one you get for shunning God. Those were good boys."

This time Sam did look at Dean.

-|-

Comments

[wynter-rebel.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. I just finished rereading all your Supernatural fics and I go to check my e-mail and come back and what do I find? A new update. The night is perfect. This is perfect. You are awesome. Rock on.

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

Squee! Thanks!!

[mel-b-angel.livejournal.com]

Sam the Bugbear

Too, too adorkable!

"Our parents for starters," Dean mumbled as if to himself, but far too audible. "Sam misses Jessica, you know, because I really wasn't fast enough, and pretty much anybody we love dies or vanishes. One of these days I'm gonna fuck up and be missing Sam, too."

Oh. Gosh. My heart just breaks, that he thinks this. I think my face did the same slack with shock thing Sam's did at these words ...

Sam could not figure out how someone's thoughts could so completely negate their behavior, or how the hell Dean didn't hear himself.

Seriously. WHY cant Dean hear it??? Its SO subconcious Dean just doesnt realise, or is something still scrambling Dean still?

Oh the questions!

Good work btw!

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

Oh, he is so subconscious. He's just leaking his teddy-bear stuffing everywhere and is totally oblivious. He's kind of...only partly awake. I think. Silly boy.

[mel-b-angel.livejournal.com]

A silly boy in need of a big ol hug.

Sign up here for the huggage. BEHIND me of course. :-)

[innie_darling]

now Dean is not talking to me anymore because of the handholding LIAR!

"Good morning, sunshine," Dean said. So, so older brother. And I don't know how you get sweetness into every interaction between these two, but I was convinced that part of the reason Dean was so insistent on roughhousing with Sam was so that he could make sure that Sam was touching him so that Sam wouldn't be assaulted by his thoughts.

"Then never leave me," Dean said. I need to stop tearing up. I'm at work here!

Just full-throated laughter, for its own sake. Dean Is Sex.

"A little extra protein in your diet never hurt," Sam said. So, so disgusting. You rock.

the still-rising sun striking auburn highlights out of their hair I say auburn for Sam, bronze for Dean.

"Military family," Dean said, not elaborating and not surprised that something in his bearing carried his father's lessons forward. I love that Dean so clearly loves and admires his father. And after last night's ep, now that Sam is finally willing to admit his own love for their Dad, Dean doesn't have to be alone in this.

"One of these days I'm gonna fuck up and be missing Sam, too." Oh, my darling Dean.

Part of him wanted to, because every time it happened it was harder to hear, but if he had to be honest he just wasn't ready to stop listening. Oh, I totally buy this. I'm lucky because my little brother will every once in a while lay out his whole heart to me. Not often, but enough that I know exactly how much he loves me. I can absolutely see Sam's temptation here.

Dean was still looking at Sam like he wanted to kill him, and it was a revelation. I find just looking at Dean revelatory.

"Totally harmless, though." If Sam had said "Mostly harmless" here and given Douglas Adams a shout-out, I would have died right here at my desk. But I think it's right that he didn't. Dean is the true geek of the family. I'm so glad your Dean and my Dean match up!

I bet you could make the Pope admit he wears Spongebob boxers. Admiration disguised as snark; Dean rules.

By the way, I emailed a link to "And Fools" to the moderator of spn_recs. It and this sequel together are my favorite story in this fandom.

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

OMG, you are beyond awesome. Hearts and hearts. Even if they're just lame sideways hearts. <3<3<3<3.

[innie_darling]

No, silly, I'm not the awesome one.

I just leave the kind of feedback I like to get. Believe you me, if I'd written something this insanely awesome, I'd print out eleventy billion copies and blanket the world in my words.

[vegarin.livejournal.com]

You're a fantastic writer. I haven't gone through all of your stories yet, and I'm far too deep into the story-world right now to put together good feedback coherently, but yes, your stories are just... fantastic. There you go, that's how coherent I am right now.

One thing I could say right now is that your writing style is definitely distinct from the rest of the fandom I've read so far, and in a damn good way. Well-polished and sophisticated, and characterization is spot on, and sometimes even better. It makes your stories such a pleasure to read, such rarity. Thank you so much for the stories and please do continue -- you have quite a bit of captive audience here. ;)

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

Ok, first off, best icon ever.

And...thank you. That's...I feel like such a random mess sometimes, I'm glad it doesn't end up coming off that way. Thanks!!

[estei.livejournal.com]

Although I'm supposed to be writing a paper, I took a sanity break to check for any new fic, and I'm so glad I did. I stumbled upon And Fools Shine On this weekend, and absolutely fell in love with it. Naturally, I was extremely excited to see an update on the sequel. I love how you write the boys, and the little details about their relationship now, but also their relationship during childhood. The Bugbear thing slays me. It's those details that I find are missing from a lot of fic in this fandom, I find that you have very true characterizations. And even though you just posted, I can't wait until the next installment.

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

>>Although I'm supposed to be writing a paper, I took a sanity break

Awesome, I assisted a sanity break! Score. What's the paper on?

>>I love how you write the boys, and the little details about their relationship now, but also their relationship during childhood.

Geez, thanks! It's almost hard not to bring up the kidstuff, their references of each other are more there than in the present. I suppose. Being that I didn't create them. But I love them just about as much as if I did. ::dies::

[desertport]

The effects of Dean's possession continue to tickle me (though I don't think I reviewed before now to tell you they tickled me in the first place... sorry...). The thoughts Dean lets slip are exactly what I'd think he'd be thinking in the first place. His abandonment issues and love for Sam just make me ache.

Also loving Sam's way of dealing with the problem. First, because it puts him in a sort of caretaker role, which is a reversal for him, and second, because of his guilty curiosity about Dean's thoughts. *laughs* Nice touch.

Really enjoying this story. Thanks for sharing it.

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

Thanks!!

>>The thoughts Dean lets slip are exactly what I'd think he'd be thinking in the first place.>>

Good, at least I'm that much on target, then. If I was Sam, I'd let him keep at it, too. It's so hard to get older siblings to be mushy. LOL

[geminigrl11.livejournal.com]

"Then never leave me," Dean said. (Best "I didn't think I said that out loud" Dean comment ever. < 3 = heart breaking for him)


"Mmmkay," Sam said. (Best SP reference ever - and the SP line I try to work into conversation most ;) )

"Our parents for starters. Sam misses Jessica, you know, because I really wasn't fast enough, and pretty much anybody we love dies or vanishes. One of these days I'm gonna fuck up and be missing Sam, too." (Tie for best "IDTISTOL" Dean comment ever)

eighth_horizon (Best SN fic writer ever). You just continue to amaze. . . and kill me while I hold my breath for updates :).

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

OMG thanks.

>>(Best SP reference ever - and the SP line I try to work into conversation most ;)

I quote SP way too much, it cracks me up. My sister is so glad I finally stopped singing 'Kyle's Mom Is A Bitch' every chance I got.

[geminigrl11.livejournal.com]

ROFL!

My other favorite SP line: "Fortunately, I have my Trapper Keeper homing device." :D If you ever find a way to work that into a fic, I'll be yours forever! LOL

[jellicle.livejournal.com]

Another great stallment. But what else could I expect?

[eighth-horizon.livejournal.com]

Ah! Thanks!! :)