[personal profile] eighth_horizon
Because this is what happens when I'm stressed:

50 things Perry Van Shrike never wants to hear from Harry Lockhart, ever:

1) “Oh, shit. The cops are here.”
2) “I think…"
3) “Rush Limbaugh said - “
4) “Knock knock.”
5) ::sings Journey loudly::
6) “Whatever you did to that guy last night, he liked it.”
7) “What’s cock taste like, anyway?”
8) “Don’t get mad, but…”
9) “Whoops. I’m bleeding.”
10) “Do these pants make my ass look fat?”
11) “I know you are, but what am I?”
12) “Harmony threw me out.”
13) “It wasn’t my fault!”
14) “Perry? If I don’t make it…it’s okay.”
15) “It wasn’t me. Things break on their own sometimes, you know.”
16) “Sissy bitch.”
17) “Jesus Christ, take a joke, already!”
18) ::shrieking in terror::
19) “Your mom’s on the phone. We had the best talk!
20) “In Sunday school, I was taught…”
21) “I’m going back to New York.”
22) “Didn‘t you wear that last Wednesday?”
23) “So, um, you’re my one phone call…”
24) “I woke up under this dead hooker, and that’s all I remember.”
25) ::sobs::
26) “The guy said it was just a reefer, and…ooh, wow, look at the pretty lights!”
27) “You have the prettiest eyes.”
28) “The pound said they were gonna have to put him to sleep…can I keep him?”
29) “I know we’re in your car and all, but I don’t feel so…”
30) ::pukes::
31) “Perry? They said they’re gonna take another finger off if you don’t get here.”
32) “I don’t know where all that gum came from.”
33) “There were five bullets when I loaded it!”
34) “The insurance guy called, said he’s on his way over.”
35) “I told that guy over there you could kick his ass!”
36) “I have jury duty.”
37) “Harmony’s pregnant!
38) “Wait…the thing says I’m pregnant.”
39) “Fuck, is there lube in every drawer in this place?”
40) “Yeah, he called, and I told him you are way out of his league.”
41) “This envelope we got in today’s mail has a bunch of white powder in it…”
42) “At least I locked it again after I was done breaking into it.”
43) “Have you ever noticed your right eye is a little bigger than the left?”
44) “You try typing with nine fingers!”
45) “Harmony has a psychologist friend who says it’s probably transference.”
46) “Does this look infected to you?”
47) “Wanna sign my cast?”
48) “Sorry, sorry, sorry sorry sorry I said I was sorry!
49) “You should talk about your feelings more, and hit less.”
50) “It was just a little fire.”

And one thing he does want to hear:

51) “There’s a Bridezillas marathon on! I made popcorn.”

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May 2014

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