I am just in tears. Again. OMG, the absolute desperate grief, Sam has throughout this, the willingness to bargain, offer, anything, and everything, and know it's all futile and pointless and doing it anyway, better to die in hope than keep going without it.
and this: Whatever and whoever he loved were just continually destroyed right in front of him and hope didn’t live forever when faced with so many lasts at an age where he should mostly be finding firsts.
and this: Sam had realized he’d never be anything but Dean’s willing shadow unless he got out of it. He’d walked away to be himself and not Dean’s brother or John’s boy for once, but another five minutes of the world without Dean now was going to leave him as vacant as the house.
How much do I love these insights into Sam, what drives him, what drove him in the past? He' snot whole without Dean and yet he tried so hard to be. And yes, at 22-23, to keep facing loss after loss, it's a wonder he hasn't given up yet.
But he doesn't. He won't For all Sam's flaws there's never been anyone who could hold onto aint, fair hope like him...
And whether this is part of Dean or all of him, I'm thankful too that you gave us (and Sam) back that much. This thing is jsut killing me in all the good ways.
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and this: Whatever and whoever he loved were just continually destroyed right in front of him and hope didn’t live forever when faced with so many lasts at an age where he should mostly be finding firsts.
and this: Sam had realized he’d never be anything but Dean’s willing shadow unless he got out of it. He’d walked away to be himself and not Dean’s brother or John’s boy for once, but another five minutes of the world without Dean now was going to leave him as vacant as the house.
How much do I love these insights into Sam, what drives him, what drove him in the past? He' snot whole without Dean and yet he tried so hard to be. And yes, at 22-23, to keep facing loss after loss, it's a wonder he hasn't given up yet.
But he doesn't. He won't For all Sam's flaws there's never been anyone who could hold onto aint, fair hope like him...
And whether this is part of Dean or all of him, I'm thankful too that you gave us (and Sam) back that much. This thing is jsut killing me in all the good ways.